On a nest half-empty and new beginnings
Our daughter has moved into a studio apartment on the Iowa State campus. It's an emotional parental rite of passage I was both prepared for and surprised by.
Our daughter is on her own. Not financially. And not completely. But our oldest child will soon begin classes at Iowa State and continue pursuing her degree in cybersecurity engineering
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It’s a heady time for our family. It’s also exciting and terrifying in equal measures. A faint underlying sadness tugs at my gray matter, as memories wash over me of our many trips and outdoor adventures. We’ve been to Scotland, Belize and Iceland together — and I feel she grew in a sense during each thrilling excursion.
But is she ready to be independent? Can she handle the demanding coursework? Will she succeed or will she fail?
Our greatest fear as parents is we haven’t prepared our children to thrive in this often cutthroat world. Not fully, anyway. That’s where I sit today, while my daughter sits in a remodeled studio apartment perched atop Jeff’s Pizza Shop a stone’s throw from ISU’s iconic Lake LaVerne.
It’s all up to her now. The inevitable sink-or-swim situation. I find myself thinking about the first time she successfully pedaled a bike and when the training wheels came off. Of her first swimming lesson and the progress she made. Of her former sports prowess and the many proud moments we shared watching her compete.
I hope she doesn’t feel alone. We strive to ensure she knows how much we love and support her with zero conditions — that we’re proud of her no matter what happens.
If she succeeds. If she fails and must recalibrate her goals. If she can enjoy the process and not worry about either potential outcome — and navigate the myriad gray areas in between.
Most important, we’re learning to let go of our expectations and the illusion of control. We’re not dictatorial parents. We embrace a growth mindset and praise effort over everything else. But our little girl is on her own and it’s hard not to worry. We visit her frequently. We still share some meals together. The only thing that’s really changed is she’s no longer physically present in our house, her former room, and our everyday lives.
Ultimately, we’re proud of her and that’s all that matters. I remember her first steps. Her first tree climb. Her first expression of wonder.
Those memories cause a smile to crack my face and tears to form in the corners of my eyes. Our girl is grown up now. She’s on her own. I hope she remains curious and driven, undaunted by uncertainty. I’m excited and terrified — and already planning our next adventure together.
I’m SO PROUD (nod to Paul Rhoads) to be a member of the Iowa Writer’s Collaborative. Please peruse the list below and subscribe as you’re able. Thanks!
Nicole Baart: This Stays Here, Sioux Center
Rekha Basu: Shousts and whispers, Des Moines
Ray Young Bear: From Red Earth Drive, Meskwaki Settlement
Laura Belin: Iowa Politics with Laura Belin, Windsor Heights
Tory Brecht: Brecht’s Beat, Quad Cities
Dartanyan L. Brown: My Integrated Live, Des Moines
Douglas Burns: The Iowa Mercury, Carroll
Jane Burns: The Crossover, Des Moines
Dave Busiek: Dave Busiek on Media, Des Moines
Rachelle Chase : Reading with Rachelle, Ottumwa
Iowa Writers Collaborative: Roundup
Steph C: It Was Never a Dress, Johnston
Art Cullen: Art Cullen’s Notebook, Storm Lake
Suzanna de Baca: Dispatches from the Heartland, Huxley
Taylor Decker: Taylor’s Millennial Mindset, Sioux City
Debra Engle: A Whole New World, Madison County
Randy Evans: Stray Thoughts, Des Moines via Bloomfield
Daniel P. Finney: Paragraph Stacker, Des Moines
Marianne Fons: Reporting From Quiltropolis, Winterset
Arnold Garson: Second Thoughts, Okoboji and Sioux Falls
Julie Gammack: Julie Gammack’s Iowa Potluck, Des Moines and Okoboji
Chris Gloninger: Weathering Climate Change, US
Dennis Goldford: Let’s Talk Politics, Clive
Avery Gregurich: The Five and Dime, Marengo
Fern Kupfer and Joe Geha: Fern and Joe, Ames
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Nik Heftman: The Seven Times, Iowa
Beth Hoffman: In the Dirt, Lovilla
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Iowa Capital Dispatch, an alliance with IWC
Iowa Podcasters' Collaborative
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Black Iowa News: Dana James, Iowa
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Pat Kinney: View from Cedar Valley, Waterloo
Robert Leonard: Deep Midwest: Politics and Culture, Bussey
Letters From Iowans
Darcy Maulsby: Keepin’ It Rural, Calhoun County
Hola Iowa: Iowa
Alison McGaughey: The Inquisitive Quad Citizen, Quad Cities
Kurtis Meyer: Showing Up, St. Ansgar
Relatively Minor: by Vicki Minor, Winterset
Wini Moranville: Wini’s Food Stories, Des Moines
Jeff Morrison: Between Two Rivers, Cedar Rapids
Kyle Munson: Kyle Munson’s Main Street, Des Moines
Jane Nguyen: The Asian Iowan, West Des Moines
John Naughton: My Life in Color, Des Moines
Chuck Offenburger: Iowa Boy Chuck Offenburger, Jefferson and Des Moines
Barry Piatt: Piatt on Politics Behind the Curtain, Washington, D.C.
Dave Price: Dave Price’s Perspective, Des Moines
Ty Rushing: Coming Soon, Iowa City
Steve Semken: Ice Cube Press, LLC, North Liberty
Macey Shofroth: The Midwest Creative, Norwalk
Larry Stone: Listening to the Land, Elkader
Mary Swander: Mary Swander’s Buggy Land, Kalona
Mary Swander's Emerging Voices: Emerging Voices, Kalona
Cheryl Tevis: Unfinished Business, Boone County
Bill Tubbs : Impressions, Eldridge
Ed Tibbetts: Along the Mississippi, Davenport
Jason Walsmith: The Racontourist, Earlham
Kali White VanBaale: 988: Mental Healthcare in Iowa, Bondurant
Teresa Zilk: Talking Good, Des Moines